


Darcy Does the Monster Mash

by amusewithaview



Series: The Dance of the Seven Darcys [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Werecreatures, Darcy is a Dragon, Darcy is a Werecat, Dragons, Werecats, only it's actually 6 but shhhhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusewithaview/pseuds/amusewithaview
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six times Darcy Lewis was Not Human and that one time she played one on TV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dragon!Darcy

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a dragon, having achieved maturity, must be in want of a hoard. Darcy had achieved maturity a long time (give or take a millennia) past, and, while she was not in _need_ of a hoard, already having collected a decent number of responsibilities in this modern century, this did not mean she was not open to adding to her collection.

She had been feeling an itch at the back of her skull since they’d arrived in New York from London, and it only grew worse as they neared Stark Tower, their new base of operations. Jane had yet to notice, but Thor, who was sensitive to energies most mortals could not comprehend, and Erik, who had been hers since his first post-grad degree, were both watching her: the Asgardian somewhat wary, the scientist resigned.

Thor’s wariness was well earned: he knew, in explicit, _exquisite_ detail, exactly what she would do to him if he ever allowed her Jane to be endangered by Asgardian folly again. Storing the Aether on Earth, even if it _had_ been placed in a relatively secure pocket dimension, was at best _rude_ and, at worst, enough to start a war. The dragons of Earth did not feel to need to bestir themselves that far _yet_ , but that had more to do with Odin’s sincere apology than any laziness on their part.

“I was expecting this,” Erik murmured to Thor.

“What is it, exactly?” Thor asked.

Erik sighed, shooting a sidelong glance at Jane, who was still absorbed in her iPad. “Haven’t seen it this bad, before,” he said after a moment, “but if my guess is right, she’s feeling _acquisitive_.”

The Aesir frowned, “What could she – oh.“

“Yes, ‘oh,’” the scientist said. “Now you know why I thought you should warn them.”

Darcy slowly turned her head towards them, raising one eyebrow. “I _can_ hear you, you know.”

“We know,” Erik said.

“And I can control myself,” she added, a bit grumpily.

Erik gave her a look of polite incredulity.

“I can!” she insisted. “If we find them, I can wait and ask and everything! I did it with Jane, and it was all very _civilized._ I asked, she said yes - ”

“Asked me what?” Jane asked, finally drawn from her reading.

“Nevermind,” Erik sighed. “We’re here.”

The Tower was tall and shining, and looking at it and realizing she was going to be _living_ in it made Darcy want to purr in satisfaction. She shifted her shoulders back and tried to ignore the way the small action made Thor twitch. The boy was an Aesir, and it wasn’t as if she was his first dragon, he shouldn’t be so jumpy, even _if_ his introduction to her other form had been rather…violent. She rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the building. The itch had become a full-out prickle, and Darcy licked her lips, absently tasting her surroundings. There was a touch of _brilliance_ in the air, and it was making her fingers curl a little.

Erik gave her a knowing look.

“Shut up,” she muttered. “Lets go make sure all of Jane’s equipment got here in one piece.”

“Or heads will roll?” Jane joked, because she was entirely incapable of taking anything less than science and/or the end of the world seriously, and it was incredibly endearing.

“Maybe,” Darcy said, entirely serious.

…

The itch got worse as they ascended the Tower, first to their living quarters – Darcy sensed Erik’s machinations there – and then, again, when they went back down to the labs. The instant the elevator doors opened, Darcy knew it was a lost cause. Her head jerked up, nostrils flaring and mouth gaping open as her tongue flicked out, now gone forked, before she dashed off down the hall at speeds that would make an Olympic sprinter green with envy.

She was aware of Thor, Jane, and Erik following her, but it didn’t matter because – oh! He _shone!_

When Thor, Jane, and Erik caught up with Darcy, they found her holding one Tony Stark _very_ still, hands clasped on either side of his face and tilting his head down towards hers while he fidgeted, plucking at her wrists and poking her in the side with increasing frustration.

“Anybody wanna tell me what the hell is going on here, and why I have a teeny tiny lady with a grip stronger than a hydraulic inspecting me like a Jewish granny lookin’ at a prospective in-law?”

Thor looked vaguely guilty, Jane had both hands clasped over her mouth to stifle a laugh, so it was left to Erik to step forward and explain: “That’s Darcy. She’s on the books as my old intern, now Jane’s.”

“On the books - ?” Tony asked, because he was _sharp_ , and oh so _bright!_

“Yes, ‘on the books.’ In reality, she’s a dragon.”

“A dragon. Uh-huh,” Tony said. “Right, assuming I believe you, what the hell is she doing?”

“Adding you to her hoard,” Thor said succinctly.

“Wha – “

His next question was cut off when Darcy smiled, revealing teeth that had gone _very_ pointy. Her voice, when she spoke, had become loud and seemed almost to have echoes, as if she was speaking from within a large room or there were several other voices speaking with her: “Oh, how you _shine_ , pretty one,” she crooned, one thumb stroking along his cheekbone. “Here,” she said, tapping his skull, “and here,” she tapped his arc reactor through his t-shirt, making an odd clinking noise that was explained when Tony glanced down and saw that instead of a fingernails, Darcy suddenly had _four-inch-long bone-white talons_.

“What the _fu_ \- “ the hand remaining on his face was suddenly fisted in the hair at the nape of his neck, jerking his head down a few inches for her to press her full lips against his for one brief kiss.

“Mwah!” she said, and then stepped back and smiled brightly at him, now looking and sounding _exactly_ like the college-age assistant she was supposed to be and acting like the last few minutes hadn’t happened. “Welcome to the family,” she told him, then turned and gave the waiting trio a quick salute, “I’m gonna go check on your stuff, Jane, you and Erik just settle in and start making a list of what you’re gonna need.”

Tony shook his head as she bounced off. “What the hell just happened?”

“You were collected,” Jane told him. “Really, it’s not as bad as it sounds, although,” she frowned, “she did _ask_ me first.”

“Yes, well, I had told her about you ahead of time,” Erik said. “She was prepared.”

“But she was _aware_ of Tony, was she not?” Thor asked, frowning.

“Sort of?” Erik hedged. “She has a very… _immediate_ awareness. It’s not quite ‘out of sight, out of mind’ but more ‘not her hoard, not her problem.’”

“All of this,” Tony said, waving a hand to encompass their dialogue, “is fascinating, really, but first I need somebody to _explain what the hell just happened to me_. I never thought I’d say this, but… use small words. Pictures. Diagrams. _Something._ ”

Jane’s lips quirked a bit. “Darcy is a dragon. Dragons collect things. These things are called their ‘hoard.’ Dragons care for their hoard. Darcy collects scientists – “

“Geniuses,” Erik broke in to correct. “It’s only recently been scientists, specifically.”

“Darcy collects _genius scientists_ right now. You are a genius and also a scientist. Darcy has collected you. Welcome to the family,” Jane said, then turned away with her iPad and started muttering to herself about alloy properties and light exposure.

“They are discomfortingly well-suited,” Erik muttered, frowning after the other scientist.

“So, that woman is a dragon? A _dragon?_ Fire-breathing, knight-eating, princess-snatching _dragon._ ”

“Yes,” Thor said. “Although your legends are, as with your ‘mythologies,’ not entirely accurate, there is a grain of truth to them. What you call ‘dragons’ have many names in many realms. Though we have no dragons in Asgard, there are a few other realms amongst the nine that play host to them. They are a powerful race, and they can be rather…unpredictable.”

Tony looked from Thor’s solemnity to Erik’s amusement and scrubbed a hand over his face: “I need a drink.”

Erik followed the other man to a cabinet, and watched with no small amount of sympathy as he poured himself two – then three – fingers of scotch. “99% of the time, she will behave like any other lab assistant,” he said. “Dragons are possessive and protective of their hoards, but her hoard is made up of _people_ , so she will… _care_ for you. Make no mistake,” he sped a little, seeing Tony’s grimace, “she’s not going to try to _mother_ you or anything.” Erik grinned, “Her hoard is _geniuses_ , after all, she has a somewhat unique perspective on the vagaries of artistic and eccentric minds. Generally speaking, she will only interfere with you if she feels that you are harming yourself _and_ your _own_ goals through your actions. And, of course, she will defend you from others,” he finished with a sidelong glance at Thor.

“She was…not pleased with the actions of the All-Father with respect to Jane during the Aether incident,” the Aesir explained with a grimace.

Erik snorted, “That’s a bit of an understatement.”

Tony blinked. “Huh, a dragon, a god, and two scientists walk into a Tower. It’s like the beginning of a bad joke.”

“It’s life,” Erik said, giving a Gallic shrug. “You’ll get used to it. Well, _her_.”

“So…you just… _ignore_ that your assistant is a dragon?” Tony asked, eyeing him dubiously.

“Most of the time she’s our extremely efficient and easygoing lab assistant.”

“In truth, she is far less volatile than most,” Thor assured him. “One of my friends, Fandral, was declared _kappimaðr_ by a dragon of Vanaheim and we did not see him again for nigh unto a century.”

“Kappi-whatsit?”

Thor frowned, “It is a difficult concept to translate, and no mortal can speak dragon tongue.” He shifted, obviously struggling, “She declared him fit to partner her and then kept him until she decided his duty was over. Fandral still visits his daughters every decade or so.”

“His daught – no, you know, I’m not even gonna touch that one.” Tony turned to Erik, “How long have you known her?”

“I’ve been part of her ‘hoard’ for over thirty years.”

“And she’s…?”

Erik shrugged, “A good lab assistant. Friendly. Likes the strangest music.”

“Alright,” he nodded. “I’m just going to pretend the last twenty minutes didn’t happen.”

“Your call.”

“As it pleases you, Tony.”

“Fantastic – “

Darcy swanned into the room, grinning when the three men turned as one to look at her. “Crisis over?” she asked. “No worries, Tony, 99% of the time I’ll be your average, every-day, run-of-the-mill assistant to genius, it’s only in really extreme or special circumstances that my dragonnishness affects anything, and I’m sure I can readjust that to include superhero shenanigans, so, really, you’ve got nothing to – “

The elevator dinged as the doors opened, revealing Steve. “Thor!” he said, smiling, “Jarvis said you’d arrived, I thought I’d come down and welcome you to the Tower. It’ll be nice having somebody else around who doesn’t get all the references.”

Darcy very slowly turned away from the trio to look at Steve. “Thor,” she said, and her voice had gone resonant and echoic again, “I did not know you were acquainted with any – “ and then she said a word that was not quite a word so much as it was a grouping of sensations, an experience. The word was a battle cry, it was bright steel, it was warm strength and clear purpose, vitality and virtue, and it had an echo, a slight tinge, of something bright and colorful, something that those in the room who knew her would dub as uniquely Darcy.

“Thor, that word, that kappa-whatsit, is _that_ what it sounds like?” Tony asked.

The Aesir nodded slowly, staring at the _very_ confused looking Steve with wide eyes.

“Thought so.” He poured himself another three fingers of scotch, then three more, before toasting: “Here’s to the one percent!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little inhuman!Darcy in honor of the season.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Please stay tuned for the coming attractions:_  
>  Sidhe!Darcy, vampire!Darcy, demon!Darcy, succubus!Darcy and Asgardian!Darcy


	2. werecat!Darcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY.
> 
> Re: the dragon thing. I have a FUCKLOAD of headcanons for the dragon thing and may expand on that universe at some point when I _don't_ already have an assload of WIPs. In the meantime, YES, Darcy was hitting on Steve (or about to), YES, she will probably collect Bruce, and YES, dragons hold grudges so she will ALSO probably get Loki back for what he did to her Erik.

Clint was an observant guy, and _not_ \- contrary to what Natasha said – only when he was fifty feet or more away from the thing he was observing. He made jokes, sure, but he watched, he paid attention, and that was what had led him to believe that _something_ was _very wrong_ with Dr. Foster’s assistant, Thor’s little friend, one Darcy Lewis.

Specifically, he was at least 85% sure that she _wasn’t human._

“ _Clint_ ,” Natasha said reproachfully when he brought his concerns to her.

“ _What?_ Don’t give me that look! She’s _not natural_.”

Nat sighed and set down the magazine she’d been perusing (Cat Fancy, he was most definitely _not going to ask_ ), coming to her feet. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this, you’re completely unreasonable. But,” she fixed him with a steely look, “you leave that girl alone, Clinton Francis Barton, neither Thor nor Dr. Foster would ever forgive you if you drove her away, not to mention Dr. Selvig and Tony.” She shook her head, “Besides, she’s too young for you anyway.”

“Too _young?_ ” Clint squawked as she walked away. “That’s not – why would – this has _nothing to do with that!_ ”

“Keep telling yourself that, Hawkeye,” she called.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose…and did _not jump_ when an amused voice asked –

“What was all that about?”

He opened his eyes and, yup, there she was, Darcy Lewis. She’d moved so quietly that he hadn’t even heard her, and that was just _not normal_ for a girl her age (she was a twenty-something, right? So the age difference was pretty big, but not _completely_ \- no, not the point!), especially one who hadn’t had any training. Well, hadn’t had any training according to her _file_. Clint narrowed his eyes, it was entirely possible that the version of her file he’d seen had been redacted, and that Nat knew something he didn’t – Nat knowing something he didn’t was practically the foundation of their partnership.

“Um, earth to Hawkeye?” Darcy waved a hand in front of his eyes.

Clint jerked back, startled, then tried to smooth the movement into an actual step away from the girl because she didn’t _need_ to know she’d startled him, though, judging by the amused tilt to her lips and the raised brow (frighteningly reminiscent of Nat’s ‘judging you’ face), she’d definitely noticed.

“Are you alright?” she asked, faux-solicitously.

His eyes narrowed and he pointed a finger at her. “I’m onto you.”

Her eyes flicked from his finger to his face as she chuckled. “If you were _on_ me in any capacity, I’m pretty sure I’d notice.”

“That’s _not_ what I – no! I mean, I’m gonna figure you out! Not – “

Darcy cocked her head to one side, still smiling. “We’ll see,” she all but purred, then sashayed (there was really no other word for the motion of her hips) away.

Clint threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, but then got down to business. If his partner wouldn’t take his word for it, then he would need to gather _evidence_. He could do that, he could totally do that. He could observe the unnatural, and possibly unnaturally _attractive_ , twenty-something for a few months. He was practically duty-bound to do so, especially considering the threat she might present to the team if left unchecked. He would do the checking.

For the good of the team.

…

One month later and Clint was now _99% certain_ that Darcy Lewis wasn’t human. It was little things, but a whole _lot_ of little things, that added up to cause him to come to this conclusion. For one thing, she _always_ seemed to know not only _when_ he was in the ducts, but exactly _where_. It was uncanny. She always let him know, too, either by making eye contact with him through a grate, or standing directly beneath his position and throwing the word “duct” into conversation.

He’d heard her discuss the practical applications of duct tape _far_ too many times at this point.

It wasn’t just that, though. There was also the way she _moved_. He would say she moved like a dancer, but he’d _seen_ dancers, he knew how they moved. Truth be told, a lot of classically trained dancers moved pretty awkwardly when they weren’t actually dancing: they’d trained their bodies to do some very specific movements, and not all their daily lives were geared around those movements. Darcy didn’t move like Natasha, exactly. Nat was all lethal grace and economy of movement, but there was a certain quality to her muscles when she wasn’t ‘on.’ The girl moved like a predator, it was the only descriptor that worked.

On top of _that_ , there were a few times Clint would have _sworn_ that her eyes had done something…screwy. He couldn’t really be more specific than that, so, for now, he was leaving it off the evidence list. At night, sometimes, when he’d run into her in the common kitchen, he’d find her sitting in the dark (normal people didn’t do that! Not even Steve did that!) and her eyes always seemed a little _off_ when he turned on the light. A few times he would have sworn that they’d changed color, or something, but he couldn’t be entirely sure.

Finally, there was the way she slept. He knew college kids napped, he knew that she was, for all intents and purposes, still a college kid, but the way she followed the sun was just weird. Even in sleep her body would sort of…ooze. He’d seen her slip off of furniture and onto the carpet in order to keep in the sun, and it was the _strangest thing._

Darcy Lewis was not human, and he _knew it_.

Now, what the hell should he do with the information?

It didn’t exactly help his case that both Steve and Thor had noticed his…preoccupation with her. Both of them had, separately, come to him and let him know in no uncertain terms that they had noticed his _completely mission-oriented observation (damnit!)_ and were duly concerned about his intentions towards the girl. No amount of objections would sway them, though.

Ugh, sometimes Clint hated his life.

He’d just about gotten up the determination to confront Darcy with his findings when the klaxon went off, letting them know that intruders had gotten into the building. JARVIS was the one who told them that the intruders had actually managed to infiltrate the lab: they’d knocked Bruce out with some sort of sleepy gas and were apparently about to start fleeing with hostages. Clint almost laughed at that: JARVIS was as protective of Stark as a mama bear, and Tony wasn't exactly a slouch in the self-defense department, even without Avengers intervention there was no way these idiots were making it out of the tower. JARVIS’s warning was more of a courtesy, as well as a request for aid because JARVIS tended to deal with intruders with extreme prejudice. This was the second attempt in as many months (the first never made it past the elevator), Clint figured that this time JARVIS wanted to actually question the stooges.

He gamely followed Steve (who was taking this far too seriously, and he’d _seen_ what had been left of that elevator!), Nat, and Thor to the labs. Completely unsurprised to find the baddies in question tied to rolly-chairs in a circle and already trussed up by what looked like an odd combination of copper wire and extension cords. What Clint _was_ surprised to see was a _giant fucking cat_ curled around Dr. Foster and compulsively licking the woman’s hair.

“I’m fine, Darcy,” Dr. Foster was insisting, half-heartedly attempting to push the _giant fucking cat’s_ head away.

Wait, _Darcy?!_

“Hah!” Clint said, pointing at the cat. “I _knew_ it!” He turned to Nat, “ _I TOLD YOU SO!_ She’s not human!”

Thor frowned, “What of it? I am not human either.”

Clint blinked, “But she’s – I mean…” A horrible sneaking suspicion worked its way into his brain: “You _knew_. All of you _knew_.”

Nat was very clearly trying not to laugh.

Steve looked confused, “Wait, you mean, you _didn’t_ know?”

"Does this mean Thor wins?" Tony asked Jane _sotto voce_.

Clint stuck his bow back in its holster and folded his arms, grumbling. “I hate all of you, you know,” he said conversationally.

Nat rolled her eyes, “Don’t be such a drama queen. She’s a werecat, but a _friendly_ one, and now that _everyone_ knows, you can stop stalking her.”

“I was _not_ stalking her,” he said with as much dignity as he could muster, “I was _monitoring_ a potential _threat._ ”

The ‘potential threat’ unwound herself from around Dr. Foster and padded over to him (Clint _did not_ take a step back). She stopped a few feet away and started up a rolling, _thunderous_ purr that nearly rattled his bones. Darcy was a _really_ big fucking cat, her head was level with the bottom of his ribcage. She didn’t look like any big cat species he was familiar with, instead she looked like she’d taken bits from all of them. Her hide was a dark gold color, but he could see slightly lighter stripes (tiger) but also spots (leopard) and her eyes had darker fur surrounding and streaking down her muzzle (cheetah), and that was what he could see at a glance. There were probably other feline bits haphazardly cobbled from other big cat species. It wasn’t particularly important right now, what was important was – 

“You can stop with the purring,” he said, resigned, “you don’t need to try and win me over. I trust Nat.” _Even if I don’t trust YOU._

Darcy _did not_ stop with the purring, but she did move even _closer_ to him. Clint stood very, _very_ still while she twined around his legs, even going so far as to curl her very long, very _bushy_ tail around one of his ankles. She turned her head towards Dr. Foster and broke off purring long enough to make an odd sort of ‘chuffing’ noise.

“You sure?” Dr. Foster asked.

Darcy chuffed again, more vigorously.

“Your call,” Dr. Foster said, shrugging, then she turned to Clint, “if you hurt her, I have access to portals and Thor: _nobody_ will ever find your body.”

“Wha - ?” he said blankly.

“Do not break him,” Nat advised _the cat_ who was _Darcy_ , “or I will break _you._ ”

Darcy-cat let out an affronted-sounding yowl.

“Then we understand each other,” Nat said, smiling.

Clint watched, bug-eyed and indignant, as the rest of the Avengers – and scientists – walked away (Thor dragging the intruders along in their rolly-chairs by one extension cord), _leaving him there_ with Darcy, the really big fucking cat. Tony was the only one to object, and it was an only semi-serious, “I hate having to postpone science for sex, especially when it’s _other people_ having the sex…” before he was vigorously ‘shushed’ and shoved out the door by a smiling Steve.

What. The hell.

“Hate, a lot of hate, _so much hate,_ ” Clint muttered. After another second or two he glanced down at the _very large_ feline that was wrapped around his legs, “You gonna let me go anytime soon? Preferably now-ish?”

Darcy yawned ostentatiously, then slowly detached herself from his side, padding off to circle around the back of one of the larger tables. A moment later, Darcy’s _human_ head popped up. From the way she’d positioned herself, Clint was _entirely certain_ that she was naked back there. He immediately did an about-face, looking very fixedly at a part of the lab that was in the opposite direction from the very pretty, very _naked_ Darcy.

“Nudity,” she said as the soft ‘shh-shh’ of moving cloth indicated that she was dressing (thank god), “is a really human thing.”

“And you’re _not_ human.”

“Thought we’d established that,” she said, sounding amused again. Her being a cat made _so much fucking sense._

“Yeah, well, I’m still trying to assimilate that information, along with the fact that my _entire team_ knew and _didn’t tell me._ ”

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure there were wagers involved.”

“Oddly enough, yes, that does help. Who won?”

“Not sure, I wasn’t allowed to participate, so I didn’t really pay attention,” her voice had steadily gotten closer throughout the sentence. “You can turn around now, I’m decent.”

“For a given value of decent,” Clint muttered, turning.

Darcy fluttered her eyelashes at him, “You _charmer_ , you.”

“So. You’re a cat.”

She quirked a brow at him, “Sometimes. Yes. Problem?”

“No, it, ah, explains a lot.”

Darcy grinned, “Doesn’t it, though.”

He cleared his throat, not entirely sure what to do now that he knew that she A) _probably_ wasn’t a threat and B) he still thought she was _unnaturally attractive_. “Good talk, I’m just going to – “ he gestured towards the door.

She seemed to pout for a microsecond before she stuck out her hand, “Truce?”

Clint very slowly reached out and took it, shaking it once, firmly…and then standing there awkwardly when she _didn’t let go._ “Are you waiting for me to apologize for, um, _observing_ you, or thinking you were a threat?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but while you were stalking me, I was doing some stalking of my own.”

“I wasn’t _stalking_ you – “

Darcy rolled her eyes, “Wow, Natasha was right,” then, faster than Clint could reflexively block, she jerked his hand towards her face, altering her grip so that she had a firmer hold of his hand and could turn it so the veiny side of his wrist was facing up. “I _like_ you,” she said, slowly and clearly. Then she tilted her head and _licked the underside of his wrist._

Her tongue was sort of _rough_ and the feel of it on the thinner skin of his wrist – 

Clint tried not to shiver.

Clint did not succeed.

He stared at her, flabbergasted, while she wore a smile that was 100% _cat that got the canary._ “I’ve always been more of a dog person,” he joked feebly, still sort of reeling from the events of the last few minutes, and currently impaired by his body's indecision over which areas needed the most blood flow.

Darcy gave him a slow blink and a smile. “I’m _sure_ I can find a few ways to change your mind…”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little inhuman!Darcy in honor of the season.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Please stay tuned for the coming attractions:_  
>  Sidhe!Darcy, vampire!Darcy, demon!Darcy, succubus!Darcy and Asgardian!Darcy


End file.
